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[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Okay, so I’ve got the budget and I know what to expect when we do background checks [relishes the feeling of enlightenment].” Ann: “I’m glad I could help!” Customer: “But I still don’t think I need to screen the crew members.” [Ann feels the enlightenment drain…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Okay, I am working the bean counters to establish a budget for background checks.” Ann: “That’s great! (Rinses coffee cup in office sink, decides the stains are permanent). Are you ready for more information?” Customer (takes a long swallow of California Coffee): “I’m curious. Is the…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “So, uh, what’s new with you? How’s the spousal unit and the kids?” Ann: [Tries to remember if spouse got enough coffee that morning]. “I’m glad you asked! My daughter (28 years old) is touring southeast Asia.” Customer: “How are you going to work that into…
A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.” The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “You think you’re so smart.” Ann: [Thinks about all stuff she doesn’t know. Feels dizzy and sits down]. “What do you mean? Like I can drive a stick shift?.” Customer: “Do you ever get anything wrong?” Ann: [Takes glasses off and rubs her eyes]. “Do you…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Christmas is over, New Year’s is over, the Super Bowl is over and there’s nothing fun to do.” Ann [loves fun almost as much as background checks]: “Well, don’t be so glum, chum. I can tell you a really fun background check story!” Customer [wonders if…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Okay. I’ve reviewed the forms. I’ve banned the box. I only run that background check after I make an offer. I’m aware of the marijuana laws and drug screening regulations in my jurisdiction. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” Softly thuds head on desk. Ann:…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Okay, got it. Forms are up to date. Check. Keep an eye on rapidly-changing marijuana laws. Check. Follow the FCRA or risk a class action lawsuit. Check. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?” Customer turns purple. Ann: (Fights urge to point out that she doesn’t make the rules,…
,[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Okay, I’ve reviewed all my forms and policies. AGAIN.” Ann (swills down piping hot coffee): “That didn’t take long!” Customer (chomps down on donut): “So that’s all hunky-dory, but is there anything new I need to know?” Ann (puts cup down on coaster “Not my circus,…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “Ya know, last year you had me review ALL my hiring and background check policies and forms to be compliant with the Fair Credit Reporting Act and these pesky state laws to which I am beholden.” Ann: (rolls eyes, here it comes): “And you’re REALLY glad…
Hiring employees in today’s world can be challenging in many ways. With these simple tips and guidelines, you can learn how to avoid toxic workers in a #MeToo, High-Tech, Active Shooter, Headlines, Juries and Ban the Box world.